Dreams of Pale White Flames
by Veilwuarrah
Summary: "It started with the dreams; of flames curiously white." Merlin knows it means something, but he doesn't know what... yet. (Mystery; minor whump; 'T' for now..[Mature Content] in later chapters; pre-S05;)
1. Chapter 1

***wiggles fingers* mmmyes. This is a new story. No, I have not abandoned any of my other fics. Yes, I am working on the rest as well. (I'm a multitask-er. Bare with me.) No, I didn't eat gayaberries. Yes, I am nuts and NO, I didn't drink Your coffee... Anyways.. (It's full moon soon, so what did you expect from me?) ~ ****I am leaving again for another three days, but I didn't want to leave without posting something, and while "Resemblance" chapter 31 is coming along well, this little story has been buzzing around and has a finished plot-plan. So I thought, why not?.. Hope you will like reading it.. Have a nice weekend folks~**

**NOTE: this is 'T' for now, will be marked 'M' for a reason, there shall be mature content in it. No spoilers.**

**On with the fic~ Enjoy~**

**.*.**

It started with the **dreams**.

He would startle awake with a jolt, as if falling from somewhere – occasionally indeed falling off his cot, - but then remember nothing, but the color **white**.  
Other times he would wake screaming with fear of the fire he'd seen in front of him, - **flames** curiously white – and lacking an explanation to present to his concerned guardian; forgetting rapidly of what he's seen in the dream.

"It's probably just.." he trailed off, sitting on the ground with his back against his bed and rubbed the remains of his sleep out of his eyes. He hated to admit it. - He had no idea what it was; but he couldn't stand looking at his worried guardian standing in the doorway in his nightclothes, feeling somewhat ashamed that he woke the old man yet _again_ with his _hysterics._

He tried not to give it much thought at first, figuring Arthur was just probably working him too hard, and having to watch the king's back, and keeping his secrets hidden was starting to take it's toll on him. Gaius agreed to that conclusion and concocted some calming tonic for his ward, and decided to ask children from the lower town instead, whenever he needed herbs or any errands run.

Merlin wasn't completely happy about that decision. Though he didn't mind '_someone else scrubbing the damn leech-tank for once'_, having to pick herbs was always a good excuse to take a trip out of town, to the fields or forest nearby and spend some time in silence and in nature and just.. picking herbs and relaxing. However he said nothing, as he didn't want to upset the elderly physician more then he already was; and just gave in, sticking only to the chores the king gave him, and obediently taking the medicine.

Yet the dreams persisted; and intensified with each passing night.

"I see fire. White flames. Just.. white. White everything.. shapes. Up close.." He said tiredly one early morning, as he sat staring at his breakfast; his stomach grumbling and protesting at the idea of him attempting to eat it, so he pushed the plate aside with a sigh; resting his face against his palm, looking at nothing in particular. Gaius looked up at him, eyeing his **pale** ward with concern. It's been a rough night again, after waking up three times, and even a sleeping draught having no effect, Merlin decided to go for a stroll through the castle. He eventually got back to his cot and exhaustion granted him some sleep, but waking up felt like not having slept at all.

"It could mean anything. The color surely has some significance.." The physician said confused. It was the first time the young man actually said anything of the content for his dreams, and he didn't know what to make of it. He noticed the warlock's deep breaths, and noted at least the calming tonic had effect, but this new information was puzzling.

"If it has to do with fire, I don't care what color it is, it can't be good.." Merlin said hoarsely.

.*.

* * *

**Let me know what you think... **

_**And I also have a recommendation this time: "Stitches" from DRACON1US. Be warned however: it's dark, has gore, angst, whump in it. But it's brilliant.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again! I'm back and glad you like this story! And without further delay, here's the next part of it ;) Happy reading.. Feedback appreciated..**

.*.

Merlin still couldn't remember much of his **dreams**, but each night they got more and more intense and attention demanding; and leaving him with little to no memories of them when he came to his senses after the wake-time panic.

_Something soft, something pale; something burning in white _**_flames_**_.._– it frustrated him to no end. Just shapes, smooth shapes, all white, and the flames; nothing really recognizable. It plagued his nights and it haunted his thoughts at daytime; and there was nothing he could do about it.

One thing he was sure of: it had to do with magic. What else could it be? But he just couldn't figure it out. Couldn't find anything in his magic book, nor any other books Gaius had dug out in search for answers; not even the ones he looked through in the hidden chamber at the library gave him anything useful. He had learnt but a single thing out of sneaking into the library: dreams are slippery things to investigate; - and perhaps Geoffrey might be growing immune to the sleeping spells.

At one point Merlin wondered if Morgana was going through the same torment, when her magic was surfacing; or was he developing similar skills now.. _or was this her doing?_ It didn't make sense. There was no threat for fire or ..anything white. And who would target _him_, when no one really knew who he was..?

One early morning he woke panting and drenched in sweat, and he felt strangely relieved; a kind of pleasant tingling wave residing in his body, and he could have sworn he could feel magic pulsing around in the room, almost visible like a swarming golden mist below the ceiling; yet the discomfort of the sweat and lack of breath dragged his attention back to less pleasant notions and he thought it was a little out of place. _He hadn't preformed magic in his sleep, had he?_ _- Gaius would be charging in by now if he did. The man had a sixth sense for spotting his ward doing sorcery, but it wasn't the case.. _He was just sweaty and out of breath - still, that much wouldn't have been too odd, but besides the usual morning effects any young man experiences on his body, he felt a distinct wetness on his trousers.

The realization woke him immediately, more so when he realized it's not his bladder to blame. _(Though that would have been just as bothersome, he later thought.)_

His face was red and his ears were burning as he charged out of his room loosely dressed, with a new pair of trousers and a shirt clutching his nightclothes balled up in a hand and headed out the physician's chamber with such zest, all Gaius could do is get a surprised glimpse of him, for being up so early.

"Merlin, where are you.." The door slammed. "..going?"

He got no answer later either, and not even his famous eyebrows could coax anything out of the red-faced warlock after he came back.

"Did you have an .._accident_?" Gaius asked in a shushed voice as if the bundle of dried yarrow on the other table might be listening in on their delicate conversation.

"What? .._NO_!" And if it were possible, the warlock's face became a shade even darker red, and jumped to his feet, finishing his breakfast on his way outside; stuffing his mouth full of bread proving to be a good way to avoid giving answers.

He was embarrassed. So embarrassed, in fact, that earlier he changed his mind mid-way downstairs and instead of washing, he turned to simply burning his trousers. – along with the **white** smudges on them. Nothing like this has ever happened since he was a young boy. Dreams just didn't have that effect on him. And he didn't have a reason.. _Not since Freya.. No, never._ - He didn't know what to make of it. He rather not think of it.

Merlin was incredibly efficient and dead quiet for the rest of the day, so much so that even Arthur frowned at him when he reported to have finished all his chores; then he asked if there was anything else for him to do, and at that point the king couldn't resist not to voice his worry over his manservant's sudden change in attitude.

"Not that I'd complain of you actually doing your job for once, but this isn't really like you. Are you sure you are feeling alright, Merlin?"

"Why does it necessarily has to mean that something is wrong with me if I do my job?"

"Because, you're a lousy servant." Arthur shrugged with a matter-of-fact grimace, and had to fight hard not to smile at the pursed-lip expression that statement drew from his manservant.

"Right." Merlin barked with a nod.

"Seriously though.. is.. something upsetting you?" the king asked in a more collected tone.

"No!" the warlock snapped furiously and turned towards the door. "Now if you'll excuse me, _Sire_, I'll go muck out your stables." He said, increasing the worry in the king's mind, more so that the said chore was completed a mere few hours ago; but before he could say anything else, Merlin was stopped in his tracks when the door came towards him without warning, before he could reach the handle and painfully collided with his face, drawing a howling yelp out of the warlock and he staggered back holding his nose.

"Merlin! I'm so sorry, mate! Are you alright?"

"Fine fine." He nodded blinking the tears from his eye and a quick inspection confirmed it that it wasn't broken, maybe just a bit too much snot flowing along. "I need to go." So he was about to head out passed the knight, when a hand on his chest stopped him.

"Merlin, your nose."

It was then he realized the collision caused his nose to bleed. "Oh.." He stared at the redness on his palm, for a second thinking, at least it's less embarrassing then having mucus all over his face and started rummaging though the inner pocket of his jacket to get a napkin, but then something unexpected happened.

Another glimpse at the blood and it felt like a wave of suffocating heat that passed through him and for a moment he went stiff as a flash of images flooded his mind's eye. _Pale flames and white shapes; a pair of blood red lips just parted and licked and he could have sworn he heard giggling_, but they were gone as fast as they came, and he was left gasping for air.

_Something soft, something smooth, something with a bloody tooth.. - _However what Arthur and Gwaine saw of all of this, was Merlin's going rigid after eyes widening at the blood, then a moment later rolling into his head and gasping for air as his body went limp. If it hadn't been for the knight's good reflexes he would've fallen to the ground like a log; even so Gwaine only managed as much to ease his fall and have him kneel then sit on his heels, as once he grabbed him the manservant was coming to, but still too weak on his feet.

"Merlin!" Arthur was next to them in an instant, kneeling next to the young man as well.

" 'm fine..'m fine.." the dark haired mumbled a little out of breath, still blinking confusedly. _What the hell was that?!_

Gwaine kept a hand on his shoulder, while he handed him a napkin and the warlock forced his numb fingers to cooperate and held it against his nose.

"I can't believe how much of a girl you are! Fainting at the sight of blood?" the king said without even thinking, though his incredulous words were carried on a rather shaky tone. His manservant's glared up at him, and was about to snap back, but Arthur was faster.

"No, no.. Keep your head down!" he said, putting a hand on the dark-haired's nape and pushing his head down a bit. He figured, he can hear the retort later, after the nosebleed has stopped, but something else distracted him then. "Merlin! You're burning up!" the king cried with increasing worry and his hand slid lower on his servant's neck to fully feel the heat of his skin under his palm. – Gwaine picked his head up at the blonde then back to the younger man. He hadn't notices, due to wearing gloves, but now he already pinched a finger between his teeth and was taking it off. The knight pressed his palm against the servant's forehead and let out a whistle.

"That's not to be joked with, Merlin.."

" 's nothing.. Been working.. running around.." The warlock mumbled as he was gingerly wiping his nose then looked up at the king and Arthur wondered if he had really not noticed Merlin's usual **pale **complexion being rather pinkish, and the black of his eyes were wide and large. He could have sworn the man didn't look like this mere minutes ago when he stepped inside the royal chambers..

"Gaius." He said pointedly and with a nod to his knight they stood, pulling the manservant on his feet while doing so.

Merlin stood and gave his nose a few more dabs, checking for the blood on the napkin. And then he felt it, and it made him nervous, praying the others won't notice.

The strangest feeling filled him, and he could think of nothing else but the sight of blood and the flashed of images to blame for it.. he was getting aroused.


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm a little early ey.. But alas..miracles do happen! Update time is upon us! And I won't stall the moment, so happy reading, hope you enjoy, and don't be sparse with feedback ;) ~**

**.*.**

"I.. I can get there on my own!" he stammered and tried to pry himself loose from their grip before either of them would notice, knowing he will never live it down, but it was just too late.

"My, my, Merlin.." Gwaine started. "Having tension issues?"

Arthur looked up to his knight with a curious look and a motion of his eyes he too gave a better look at his servant who was desperately trying to bend forward and get his arms loose in the same time.

Merlin nervously glanced at the door wondering just how fast he could reach it to get away, but the two men still had their grip on him and there was no way he could shake them off, with how the world wobbled before him, and he felt just too out of breath._He had no idea how he will explain all this._

The king's eyebrows wandered up towards his hairline, observing his servant up and down. Now he was certain the usually **pale** man wasn't as flushed and panting when he walked in, and with his eyes wide and dark, and blood dripping from his nose down his lips and chin, his hunched form looked rather pitiful.

And then Arthur saw it too. The tent of his trousers; and it came to him as some kind of sudden realization, that indeed the servant was no longer a boy, and the man, as any man, had needs and desires; however he couldn't shake the feeling there's something odd about him. _Merlin was always odd,_ but he certainly didn't want to imagine things about his servant, so he stopped the thought-line before it trailed off too far.

"Maybe you need a maid's skirt to fan your fever instead of a potion, mate!" Gwaine broke the silence, grinning at him and Merlin felt his face just can't possibly burn any more than this, more so when he heard Arthur snicker; thinking the knight was having way too much fun for his own good. "Unless you prefer the chainmail type to bed you.."

"Let go of me!" He snapped and shook himself loose with renewed power, then stood as straight as he could, adjusting his trousers while glaring at each of them in turn then wiped his nose again and headed for the door a little swaying but with a growl sounding very much like an _"I don't have time for this."_

"Merlin! Don't run away!" Arthur called after him, barely concealing his laughter this time, but all he got as answer was a slam of his chamber door.

"Least we know he's alright." He said eventually, earning him a questioning look from his knight. "Well, he's still a clumsy idiot." The king said matter-of-factly, sitting back to his desk.

"Are you sure he's alright? He looked a little.. _jumpy_." Gwaine stepped forward fiddling with his glove, giving a glance towards the door where his friend had disappeared moments ago.

Arthur shrugged uncomfortably. "He's been very _efficient_ today."

"Oh, that's _bad_." The knight commented mockingly.

"He is doing his job for once, but it _is_ a little worrying. Perhaps you should take him for a round at the places you visits at times., to help him _work off some steam._"

"_Sire_, I'd never.." Gwaine gasped, faking how hurt he was of the sovereign would insinuate such a thing about him, but his mischievous smile gave it away, and Arthur smiled as well, shaking his head.

However the idea was one the knight made not to forget, thinking perhaps the servant is just too bashful in the king's presence. _Unless.._

"Or maybe you should bed him.." Gwaine chanced.

"Me?" Arthur's eyebrows resembled that of Gaius's as he looked at the knight. _"Have you lost your mind?"_

"I may have." the man shrugged. He was never one to deny such accusations when in jest. "But your servant might be losing his from all that work you pile on him.." he added with a slightly more serious tone. Merlin's been running around the castle since the day Gwaine had met him.

"I'm not one to judge other's preferences.. but, if I may, Sire, when was the last time you've seen Merlin with a girl? ..or a lad?"

Arthur gave his knight a glare.

"I don't exactly keep track of my manservant's romantic affairs and personal life, Sir Gwaine."

"Does he even have one?" Gwaine pushed it just a little further.

"I'm trying to run a kingdom here." The king said giving a pointed look at the knight. "That's just Merlin, anyways." Arthur continued, not looking up from the parchment in his hand, feeling a slight burn on his cheeks. "He'll probably make up an excuse of going to pick herbs, and spend the day in the tavern." Then he looked at the man standing in front of him with the utmost conviction on his face. „He doesn't know, he has _no idea_, that Gaius always tells me exactly where he is. So I _know_."

Gwaine found that to be odd. If there was one person who'd know when Merlin was at the tavern it would be him. "Are you sure?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because.. Merlin hardly ever smells like ale."

Arthur considered it for a moment then shrugged it off. "Perhaps he takes one of those foul concoctions of Gaius to cover it and shake him from the crapulent state."

Gwaine wasn't convinced, being all too familiar with said concoction, but let it slide, instead presenting the king with a patrol report, and getting on with what he originally came for.

.

"My treat, mate!" He grinned wide and proud. „What do you say?"

"_I don't need a woman!_" Merlin spat and his ears were burning something terrible, when the knight met him in the stables and presented him with his offer.

_Okay, so that didn't go too well_, Gwaine figured. Thinking he'll approach the young man without the king present would let him be more open, but it all marvelously backfired. Merlin seemed very very nervous and bothered by the suggestion.

"Merlin, you hardly look the hermit type. And trust me these women know what they are doing.."

"_IF_ I need something, I know how to get it." He hissed and stormed out the stables almost knocking over two guards, and the knight was left scratching his head.

.

He was angry, furious even, and what annoyed him even more is not knowing why and what from. His temper was close to Arthur's on a hunting day without a catch; he was impatient and overall agitated. And that vision.. and the incident.. It felt embarrassing, but maybe Gwaine was right about this.. Maybe everything was becoming too much and always focusing on the same thing, it was starting to effect him more then he could handle, and his own body was protesting. Maybe he did need something, to do what other men do, to ease up and enjoy life and let some steam off - but without the presence and involvement of nosey drunkard-turned-knights or mocking kings.

_No.. just.. no. Not yet. Not now.._ – Who knows where the enemy is lurking.. perhaps this _is_ the enemy's doing! To get him distracted, to get him to lower his guard and become vulnerable. Because how on earth could he protect the king if he's lazing around in someone's arms..

He stopped in his tracks in the hallway and took a deep calming breath, realizing he was just working himself up again.

_In someone's arms.. _It felt crushing to think how much he longed for that.

NO. - He marched ahead a moment later with new resolve and soon he buried himself in work; getting chores done one after the other with incredible speed, as energetic as he felt. However his thoughts were harder to control than his body; wandering to that vision he had, - and what was in it, what it could mean, - and just making things difficult. Suddenly it make him aware that, _incredible as it was_, low and behold: maids were _girls and women_ working in the castle and he found himself ogling at the opposite sex with a heat he felt embarrassed about.

.

Later that day he had tried to excuse himself from the meeting. Eventually Arthur sent him off to fetch water, when '_oddly'_ all the cups and pitchers turned out to be empty, and a very strange thirst rose in everyone present at the council.

Merlin acknowledged the success of his spell, tasked the first servant he came across in the hallway to fetch the water, then ran for his dear life, thinking he would have lost his head first in the meeting room and then on the chopping board of an executioner; so obsessed was he with Guinevere's dress. - Her décolletage was driving him mad.. Every breath she took he seemed to view in slow motion, every time she spoke her bosoms rose in that tight fit red dress, he fought the urge really hard not to rip it all off, and he traced her soft skin with his eyes, how some loose threads of hair played around her ear just above the flawless smooth skin, the motion of her delicate lips as she spoke...

... Merlin dipped his head in a bucket of cold water.

_That_ certainly wouldn't have ended too well..

_What was he?!_ An animal in heat? He had never experienced such a thing. He was in _love_ when he met Freya, he was.. _off his head_; dancing and humming while he had his breakfast, he giggled while Arthur was busy tossing things at his head; he nearly got beat up in an interrogation but he still felt butterflies in his stomach the moment he stepped out of the cell and an incredible relief to finally just be _himself_ around someone. He would have left Camelot; he would have abandoned destiny itself, but this was nothing like that; and there was no one he could be drawn to.. _no one could take Freya's place.. No one.._

He wiped his face with a palm and slumped down on the floor, and prayed his guardian won't decide to come back too soon.

Unfortunately, luck decided not to join him that day and not sooner then he finished the thought there was rustling around the door and his guardian came in; more than that, he wasn't even alone, as a young, slightly nervous looking, woman was trailing after him.

Gaius was in the middle of an apology for forgetting some medicine, then asking questions of her, before his glance fell on his ward on the floor.

„Merlin!" The elderly man looked at him surprised. „What are you doing?"

„I.. I was trying to wash my face and I.. slipped." He said and got on his feet, hoping the old man will not ask any more. Thankfully the physician caught up on his ward's unease, more so with someone else in the room, and instead motioned to the young woman to sit, then stepped closer to the young man.

„Are you alright?" Gaius asked in a shushed uneasy tone.

„Yes. Just really needed to cool my head."

„Alright, then perhaps you could assist me." He said motioning towards his patient. "This young woman came to us with a problem. She has been having difficulty conceiving and I think it would be a good time for you to start learning about this, sadly not too uncommon problem, and the ways of treating it.."

Merlin panicked.

"No!"

Gaius turned to him with a raised eyebrow.

„Maybe.. not right now. I just... came back from the stables." The warlock mumbled and glanced in the woman's direction, sending her a kind smile and a nod, and inevitably noticing just how fair her skin was on her exposed neck. He swallowed, tearing his eyes from the **white** flesh, feeling traces of that heat. He felt confident, that assisting an examination of a female patient was a _bad_ idea at this moment.

„I can come back later, Gaius.." she said shyly.

„No, no! You need help, and Gaius will help you!" Merlin interrupted. „He's good at what he does.. I mean.. He's.. a good physician." It was getting painfully awkward so he clamed up, motioned towards his room and started off before anyone could stop him. "I'll.. be in here." And the door slammed, leaving the physician and the patient alone, and Gaius made a mental note to get back to his ward's odd behavior when he finishes.

Merlin sat against the door, cursing himself that he should have left the chamber instead. Despite barricading himself in his small room, his hearing decided to get incredibly sharp and he could hear every rustling of fabric and quick breath and every word spoken in the other room and he felt a sweat drop trail down his brow. It felt like **flames** under his skin and the need was getting his thoughts messed up and his mind hard to control, pushing forward the images of that vision**.**

Then something caught his attention in the conversation.

"..there is a chance however that the problem might not be with you, but your husband. I know Jacob is a stubborn man, but perhaps few drops of this tincture could help along.."

It got the warlock thinking.

"What did you give her?" he asked the moment the woman left and he came out of his hiding place.

Gaius was calmly checking his medicine bag and merely looked up at his ward before answering.

"Sometimes the blessing of a child doesn't only depend on a woman's body. The tonic I gave her will help her husband perform better, and perhaps grant them with a baby. I'll teach you about it.. when you feel ready for it."

"Is there something .. opposite to that?"

"What are you getting at, Merlin?" The old man turned to face the warlock.

He swallowed.

"I.. need to focus, but keep getting ideas.." _Gods_, this was difficult to talk about when Gaius was looking at him like that. "I need something.. _calming the urges_."

"Merlin, you are a young man, there's nothing wrong with.."

"No! This isn't like that! This has something to do with those **dreams** and.. until I can figure out.."

"Perhaps those dreams are trying to tell you something that you've been ignoring! I know how you felt about Freya, but.."

_"NO!"_ he shouted; stepping back and holding his hand out.

It was still too delicate to talk about it. Even after so many years he couldn't mention the druid girls name out loud without feeling overwhelmed by the emotions he had felt at losing her; and he certainly didn't want to think of her when he was in such a state. _It would be wrong. _

Gaius understood; in a way. It was one thing to know that his Alice was out there somewhere, surely living to her passion that was the healing arts; but it was heartbreaking to think that the young man he looked upon as a son, so much younger and had already lost that one person in his life.

"I just.. need something to help me _focus_." The warlock said almost pleadingly.

Gaius let out a heavy breath. He was pretty sure Merlin was way passed the time to need telling about birds and bees and he wondered why can't his ward just deal with his needs like everyone else; the brothel was a thing everyone knew about but nobody talked about; nonetheless he dug out his notes and informed the young man that he will get started on the potion. He didn't make a secret out of his disapproval of the idea, but Merlin obviously felt too happy about the possibility of an easy way out of a problem for once, to care.

The manservant hid himself in the darkest, most hidden corner of the armory and busied himself with polishing boots and armor and just about anything polishable to pass the time and avoid any company; specifically drunkard-knights or female company, till the concoction is ready.

"For Camelot!" he winked at Gaius a few hours later and downed the potion, then headed to fetch the royal's next meal from the kitchen; feeling confident and assured that his 'problem' is under control for the time being.

The physician just shook his head. Has his ward learnt nothing? – Since when has anything been _'easy'_ in Camelot? Little did he know that Merlin actually was far from relieved; he knew very well what side effect of any oppressing draught is: whatever the symptom, it will intensify when the potion wears off. But the warlock had it all planned out, he will deal with the rest of his chores, and by the time the night comes, he will be ready to take on the nightmares.

_Or so he thought.._

**.*.**

**So there ya have it.. My my, what could be awaiting our warlock in the night? *gasp* Anyways next chapter is 'under construction', however next up is ch.4 for "The Blood Potion"~ **

**Have a nice week :)**


End file.
